Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Oh really?

It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I bleed
You've been on a road
Don't know where it goes or where it leads

It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
If you've made up your mind to go I won't beg you to stay
You've been in a cage Throw you to the wind you fly away

It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Doesn't matter if I bleed
Feel the sting of tears
Falling on this face you've loved for years
Alison krauss.

you know it is time to pray for our family's!
I am tired of hearing of marriages void of emotions that ought to be there!
I am tired of hearing about sexless marriages!
I am angry that married men don't stand up for their wives or to them!
I am angry that we tip toe about everything important like sex,leadership,and the ever famous word that seems to be a taboo now a days....ACCOUNTABILITY both in the marriage and out....
I am angry that the men don't make more of an effort to listen to their wives....BEFORE IT IS TO LATE!
I am sad to the point of inner weeping that wives feel the need to quit pushing and fighting for their marriage
to stop reaching out to stop praying for their husbands.
you think that I am over the top here? That's the sad part..... I am not.
oh I don't have a perfect marriage believe me.... But I will say this we fight and push and get help and oh yah it hurts ...... But lets look at our vows shall we.

Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep
For better or worse, ( even if she goes from 115lbs to 215lbs?..... YAH it does )
for richer or poorer, ( even if he went from 50k-35k a year .....mmmm Yah)
in sickness and in health. (does that mean emotional health too....Well Yah)
And forsaking all others,(does that mean no emotional affairs.....Duh Yah)
be faithful only to you (does that mean pornography too?.....Yah think!)
so long as you both shall live?" ( so this is a forever thing)

so you think I am to harsh?.... Really? Well lets see ... In the last year I have herd almost everyone of these excuses.... From Christians with good jobs good kids good friends....Looks are deceiving people.....
we need to fight for our family's , or people, our kids!
I am tired of losing a battle that does not need to be lost!
we have the weapons to fight with
so please start fighting!
well this is my opinion any way.
if I am too harsh for you well sometimes we all need a little wake up with words eh?. :)


Tracy said...

Your words are so very true. I have made it a point to listen carefully to friends who have more experience than I (translate, older couples) telling about their lives. I have noticed that there seems to be almost universally a serious difficulty in marriages anywhere from the 6th to 10th year. Seriously difficult problems with communication, expectations, etc.! We tend to think magically about older couples that we know - "their marriage is so great! They've been together for so long, how wonderful." We don't tend to take into account that they only have made it to that point by making it through difficult times together. I think that our younger generation tends to make light of commitments, and give up more easily than our older friends did. Denis and I are certainly quite removed from that period yet. Only being married for 2 years, we have not met any serious difficulties in our marriage yet. But I'm sure that they will come. We need to arm ourselves with resolve and commitment. We need to know that we can't enjoy that life long love in the future without going through the fight and struggle in the interim.

PS. love the Allison Krauss reference!

lm1 said...

I forgot to mention the way to fight is threw prayer it is the strongest weapon we have and the only one that will work on marriages .

bentwingedbird said...

"praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints - " (Ephesians 6:18, NKJV)

Pray without ceasing. Prayer is our phone line to (and from) God. Prayer should be the first resort for offense or defense in every Christian's life.

Easier said than done. We tend to pray only when things are really bad and we can't fix them. I'm just as guilty as everyone else in this. I've also seen the profound effect prayer can have, on both my life and others, so I have no reason to slack in the prayer area.

Divorce is high - even (or especially) among evangelical Christians. We live in a fast food, disposable culture - so why shouldn't marriage be disposable as well?

After all, we're taught that we deserve the best in life, so if your marriage isn't working out how you want it to, why not just chuck it and start over again?

Maybe we married the wrong person...yeah, that's it. It was all a mistake. The person I married isn't who I thought they were, so obviously it's time to move on.

Umm....maybe it's time to take a hard look at yourself...perhaps you aren't the person your spouse thought they were marrying?

One flesh. One faith, one mind, one body, one soul. That's pretty black and white to me.

Knowing it is one thing. Living it is another. Just getting there can take a life time.

You're dead on in your post (and none of this comment is directed at you, or anybody in particular). "Unitl death do us part." Last time I checked, divorce is not death (though it may feel like it).

There are only 2 cases in the Bible that I am aware of where divorce is permissible.

1. Marital unfaithfulness.
2. Believer married to an unbeliever.

In the first case, it's allowed because of the hardness of the human heart - it's certainly not required or even recommended.

In the second case, the believer is called to the let the unbeliever go, if they choose to do so, for the believer is called to live in peace.

So, especially for Christians, divorce is really not an option (at least in my opinion).

God is pretty clear in his opinion on divorce - "He hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16).

No marriage will ever be perfect on this planet. It is simply impossible for two imperfect people to create a perfect marriage. Won't happen.

However, the Scriptures are full of solid advice on how to have a happy marriage - Ephesians 5:21-32, 1 Peter 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 just to name a few.

God created marriage. And He gave us a pretty simple care and use manual.

1. Submtit to one another as we are submitted to Christ.
2. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church.
3. Wives, submit to your husbands.
4. Husbands, dwell with your wife (know them), so that your prayers will not be hindered.
5. Husbands and wives, do not keep yourselves from each other.

God designed marriage with a sense of order (the husband and wife are submitted to each other as to Christ, the husband is submitted to Christ, the wife is submitted to her husband) for a reason - without order, there is chaos.

The husband has a lot of responsibility - providing and caring for his family. Not just financially for clothes, food and shelter, but emotionally, physically and spiritually. A husband who does not do the job as outlined by God is leading his marriage into troubled waters.

The two shall become one. You can't do that unless you are submitted to each other - unless your spouse's needs and wants are more important to you than your own. This applies equally (IMO) to both the husband and the wife.

If one partner is not doing their job, it does NOT relieve the other partner of their responsibility for doing their job.

"But he/she isn't doing (whatever), so why should I do what I'm supposed to do?" doesn't cut it. We wouldn't accept that answer from our kids for their behavior, what makes us think God will accept that answer from us for our behavior?

Marriage is not easy. Nothing worth having ever is. I do believe that the rewards of a successful marriage far, far, far outweigh the effort to get there though.

At the end of the day, the only person we can control is ourselves. So when you reach a point where your spouse has you so PO'd you can't even think straight, step back a minute and reflect on Matthew 7:3-5 for a bit, and work on the speck(s) in your eye.

I'm no expert - just ask my wife :) I have and am learning from my experiences, and I know where I am, and where I want to be. I want to be the husband that God wants for my wife, and the husband that she needs and deserves.

I try to focus my contributions in my marriage on "What can I do today to make my wife happy, or make her life easier, or otherwise serve her?"

If you are struggling in your marriage, try that approach. You might just be surprised at how your wife (or husband) starts to react when you approach them with an attitude of service.

It takes time for a marriage to degenerate - so if you're trying to repair things, realize it'll take time to get there as well.

Well, I've taken up enough of LM1's blog space now. Sorry for the length - let's just say that marriage is a very important issue to me, and one that I hold close to my heart.

And yes, the church (in general) does not put enough emphasis on the importance of marriage - Christian marriage; nor does it do the accountability thing very well (don't they teach Matthew 18:15-17 in seminary anymore?). Maybe churches should start a "Husband's group", where husband's can get together and share their problems, frustrations and successes, and hold each other accountable for the job they're doing as a husband and/or father?

Ok...I'll really stop now before I wear out my welcome. Excellent post LM1 - I hope others read it and reflect upon it.

bentwingedbird said...

Forgot to stick with the prayer thread in my prevous comment.

There is (again, IMO), nothing more important or more effective within a Christian marriage than the spouse's praying for each other. It's incredibly uplifting to know that your spouse is covering you in prayer.

We cannot change our spouses - we can't even really change ourselves. But God can, and He will. I picture God sitting up there in Heaven every time a spouse prays "Lord, please change this in my spouse, or please change this in me." jumping up and saying "'Bout time! I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for you to ask Me for help!" :)

Stormie O'Martian has a great series of books about praying, including "The Power of a Praying Wife" and "The Power of a Praying Husband". I cannot recommend her books enough.

No marriage - and I mean absolutely no marriage is beyond God's ability to save. God can take the worst marriage on the planet and transform it into something beyond either spouse's wildest imaginations.

But it all starts at the foot of the Cross. If both spouse's are submitted to the Lord, they'll experience a marriage beyond imagining.

At least, that's my belief, and I'm sticking to it :)

lm1 said...

bentwing you take as much space as you like. your points only make mine better.
thank you.